Gustavo’s altar- an artist and friend who died Oct 1st 2014 on his 70th birthday

and we are put on earth a little space, that we may learn to bear the beams of love- William Blake

Wow, for two years I have been silent, i don’t know why. My last post at the end of 2013 was titled Patience

I’m  still here and don’t know why I’ve been silent for so long. On dec 31 2013 I conjectured that  I might be in the  cocoon stage of recovery. I had no idea how long that phase would last. I have no idea if i am living well with cancer or being a good cocoon or just living.  My health has been decent. One reason for writing now is to avoid only starting to write again if cancer should return to me.

I lost my sister Karen to cancer several years ago and the time I was able to spend with her before her death remains with me as sad and beautiful memories

Thia, by opening yourself to your death whenever it will come and discussing your wishes with your dearest ones you are honoring them and allowing them to share what can be shared.  (Thia died and since then her granddaughter has been born and bears her name.)

I regret that my sister Karen and I were not able to speak openly about our wishes and fears surrounding her death because neither of us, at that time, was able to fully acknowledge what was becoming inevitable. While we couldn’t speak of it in depth, we were able to be open and deeply connected with each other in  nonverbal ways. it allowed healing of other family relationships also and brought those of us who remain closer to each other and more willing to forgive each others shortcomings. I wish my sister were still living every day and what she shared with me in her dying has helped me to accept  what I have no power to change.