Of all the topics I would like to write about, the only one that doesn’t stump me right now  is the regrowth of my hair.  I had heard it might grow back curly but I never expected this luxuriant mop to sprout from my chemo-altered follicles.  Aside from an embarrassing, smelly Toni home perm Mom inflicted on Karen and me in grade school, my hair has always been straight as a plank.

This time around I find my curly top delightful. Over the past six months my hair has progressed from a fine stubble on my henna snake to  this soft springy salt and pepper shrubbery that I can curl around my fingers while reading my computer screen. Best of all, up to now it has required no styling.  Strangers compliment me on my do.

Recently I was standing in front of a BART station waiting for some friends who hadn’t seen me for a while. They drove right past without recognizing me.  This made me think of possibilities for disguise and reinvention. 

I enjoy my invisibility, but I’m not sure what role to adopt next.  When, to whom, and how much I want to disclose of my experience with cancer is, once again, up to me.  I have consciously chosen to be mostly public about my experience but its nice to have the option to be private.  If someone at a party asks me where I got my haircut, I can launch into an explanation of my very expensive perm or say, “Oh, my hairdresser just retired and now I have to find someone new.  Do you know anyone good?”

Who am I now? I received my second round of good scan results last week and later today I will have the implanted port that was used to deliver chemotherapy removed.  Survivor doesn’t fit or appeal to me but sometimes I think it would be nice to have a comfortable label I could use to explain myself to others.    The closest I can come to for now is that I am a scan to scanner.

I  have an appointment next week to consult with my stylist (not retired) because this hair may  be approaching a tipping point. While I would like  to write like Malcolm Gladwell I don’t want to look like him.

I did a tiny bit investigation into the cause of chemo curls which led to the authorities at Naturally curly.com  where the article   The science of chemo curls  appears.  The bottom line is  “The exact mechanism of this drug-induced textural change remains unknown at this time.”  I shall await the double blind studies that are surely just around the corner.